Two nights ago, my mom came to me in my dream again. It was another one of those realistic, I swore it was happening kind of dream. We were at the old farmhouse, and I got a call to come out to have supper with Dennis. When I got there, my mom was sitting at the table, and was acting like everything was normal. I was freaking out, obviously. My mom had "ran off" to Pennsylvania to try a special treatment because she had been sick with ovarian cancer. She didn't want any of us to know in case she didn't survive the trial treatment. I was yelling at her, mad at her for leaving me and abandoning me. I was telling her how all of these awful things had happened while she was gone and I had no one to defend me, and she just said "I know. I saw it all" That's all she said to me! Talk about crazy dreams right?...
I don't remember how my dream ended, but it has been really bothering me. I know that sometimes our dreams can be fabricated from our real life, and maybe given what happened to me at the ER last week, it had me all worked up and nervous. My mom has been coming to me a lot lately, "telling me things" and giving me larger than life signs. I feel like a crazy person most of the time, but often I feel like everyone else is crazy for not believing me or listening to me. Just stuck between a rock and hard place. And I hope she "talks me through" the next few weeks. I am missing her more this past month than I have since the holidays. And I know that's due to summer, my first summer in 28 years without her. And I just don't know how to cope.
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