Two weekends ago, we went to clean out most of my mom's stuff out of her house. It was hard--very hard. Beau didn't quite understand why we were getting rid of it, so that was a difficult conversation to have with him to try and make a 7 year old understand as best as he could without upsetting him more. It was also hard to clean out my mom's closet. This was the hardest part for me personally. I had asked Beau if there was anything special from Nana's that he wanted to bring home-like a special toy there, a towel from the pool, etc. Wanna know what Beau told me? "The pool. I want to bring the pool home":) I told him we might have a hard time fitting the pool in our car :).
The whole situation magnifies how messed up it is. Brook and I should not have to go through our mom's things at such a young age, and should not have to do it alone. It makes me sad, makes my heart hurt, a little angry, and just overwhelmed with emotions. I'm over it, and I understand life isn't fair, and never will be. I just wish She was here to give me advice on how to move on, how to ignore those that hurt us, and to help me with my Faith. I miss her. And to everyone who told me it would be easier, I'm still waiting on that moment. I feel like for the past year and a half I've been holding my breath and haven't been able to exhale since. Mom, I hope you are happy with how well we are doing without you, and I would love a sign from you anytime please. Love you. P.
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