There was a larger hole than normal this year on Mother's Day. I have been working so hard to get over losing my mom. To moving forward. To not dwelling in what I'm missing out on. To keeping my focus on my family and what I do have. I had emotionally been preparing myself for mother's day this year. I felt strong. I didn't even think I would cry or be sad. But I was wrong on both counts. I missed her more. The last year has been so hard, and I just could use her more now than ever. On certain days I live in regret. Some days I live in denial. But for the most part, I have myself in a place of acceptance. I still don't understand why she isn't here. I know that I never will either. It was hard to see all of the social media posts online of people posting about their moms and how wonderful they are and all of the fun things they did. We should have went to the spa for massages. We should have sat out by her pool. We should have had Sunday dinner together. We should have been together. I didn't even feel her presence at all. Which probably made the day even harder. Maybe a butterfly or a sign will come my way soon. I hold on to every sign possible. And hope that they never stop.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I miss you. And I love you. More importantly, I promise I haven't forgotten about you and never will.
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